you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
