my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This is the high leading the old right now
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
