Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(479): View more from Arkansas

She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.

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(954): View more from Florida

can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?

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(310): View more from California

Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.

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(512): View more from Texas

I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.

(1-512): View more from Texas

Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.

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(618): View more from Illinois

I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.

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(443): View more from Maryland

SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'

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(614): View more from Ohio

you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call

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