Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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