Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
