he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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