yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
