So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
