I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
