We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
