Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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