I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
