is your mom at the bar?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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