i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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