You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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