I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
