i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
