So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
