Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
