Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
