So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
