Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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