WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
