we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
