I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
