i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
