Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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