I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
