I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
