Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
