Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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