and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
