Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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