Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
