the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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