i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We were destined to go to rehab together
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
