Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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