So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
