I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When are your genitals available?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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