No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
