I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
