Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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