So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
