Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
