So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
