I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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