i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
