I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
