Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
