How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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